Fuck, My Book Is Just So Damned Cool
I’m working on the sales page for my novel “80:60:10: A Door-To-Door Salesman Trying To Get Laid”, and I just realised something profound – my book is just so damned cool.
When I release it, loveless marriages will suddenly become passionate. Guys will buy girls leather-bound, gold-plated copies of my novel for Valentine’s Day. The guy will be walking around with a safety pin in his fly for the rest of the day, because the girl couldn’t get his pants off fast enough.
Kleenex and Durex stock will boom. Girls will be running around the streets leaving snail trails behind them because they’re so damn horny. Kinda gross… kinda hot.
They’ll probably make a movie out of it, and I’ll be portrayed by Seann William Scott, and there will be at least seven scenes with girls making out. Or there will be a mess-up when the production company gets the rights to the movie, and I’ll be portrayed by Ben Stiller. The movie will be a delightful rom-com, called “80 First Doors”, where Stiller is an embittered criminal who turns to door-to-door sales to strike it rich, but in the end he learns the true meaning of Christmas. Shit… That would suck.
Cars will swerve on the streets and aeroplanes will fall out of the sky because the men driving them will get spontaneous erections. I know that sounds gay, but what can I say. That’s just the way things are. Things are gay.
Fuck. I didn’t realise how hazardous writing a novel would be… Maybe I shouldn’t release it… Nah, fuck it. Aeroplanes pretty much fly themselves these days anyway.
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Comments (4)
Were you the weirdo who catches the tram to kew? You’re a fucking headcase.
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Thank you for your interest in Trouble In A Bubble. Your comment has been duly noted, and will receive a reply promptly, most likely within the next fifty years.
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you are hero.
superman rockstahrr.
snail trails. yumness
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haha this guy.
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