Encyclopaedia Brotannica
Sometimes you just don’t have the words to say how much you love your bros. You need a word for every possible situation that you get into, and some advice on how to bro it up. It just so happens that we have access to a complex glossary and guide to all the different angles, or should I say MAN-gles. A Man-ual of how to be a bro, how to bro and be bro’ed… The Encyclopaedia Brotannica.
First off, here is a list of all the names of guys who use the word “bro”, so if you meet one, you instantly know that you’ve met a soulmate with whom you can discuss all the latest techniques on how to make a girl give you head on the first date.
These are the first tier bro names: Corey, Chad, Brad, Brody, Buzz, Derrick (by popular poll), Steve, Steven, Jimbob, Billy, Billy-Bob, Joe, Joey, José, Brosé, Don Omar, Don Juan de Marco, Donnie Darko, Donnie Brasco, Sue, Edie Amin, Johnny, Fred, Freddie, Freddy, George “Bad-ass” Washington, Josh, Animal, Hulk and Lord Byron.
These are the second tier bro names, but just as important, for any time you need a bro to kick some shit for you. Donald, Donny, Ronald or Ronny, Cedric, Frederick, anybody with the nickname “Fagboy”, Lambert, Leonard, Edmond “Sheepfucker” Barton, Jude, Damien, Joshua, Stephen, Edward, Teddy, Telly, Pinochet and Podcast Faggotlaser.
Eh... What's up doc?
Here is the full list of girls names that that girl is likely to put out on the first date: Kelly, Shelly, and uh… I don’t know, I only ever got one girl to put out on the first date. She grinded against me on the dancefloor and I came.
And now, the comprehensive list of words to call your bros and use with your bros to heighten the mood. Here are some old favourites and some new soon-to-be-favourites: bro, bromeo, brosef, brotein bar or (brotein bra for double the bro power), Brobocop, brodeo, bromeliad, Broseph Stalin, broner, “bro money, bro problems”, Mel-brone the most brodacious city, Brometheus, brontosaurus, and tyrannosaurus bro. Also, if you’re in a spot, tell your bros “Hey bro, I’m BRO…ke”. They will laugh, but they understand your financial broblems. And if there’s a bro who won’t quit staring, just say: “Hey bro, take a brotograph, it’ll last longer… go home and jerk off over it.”
This is the chemistry section. Bromine is a chemical with 35 brotons in the nucleus. Long-term use of potassium bromide can lead to the synbrome known as “bromism” (seriously).
Finally, some parting words of advice. If you’ve ever fucked a bro, best to keep it on the down-bro… Unless it’s a bromance and all of the bros will laugh and fall in love with the bromosexual bromide between fellow bros. Just remember to write your bro some love broetry.
Gotta bro, catch you on the brotherside!
