Approximately Sixty Things You Can’t Possibly Know About Luke
Repost and answer these questions or the only sex you will ever have will be over Myspace.
When was the last time you had sex in the back seat of your car?
I don’t have sex in the back seat of my car. I have sex in the front. Whilst I’m driving.
What were you doing at 2 am this morning?
69ing myself.
What were you doing on the night of the 30th of February at 1800 hours in the lavatory with Professor Plum holding his pipe?
I take it by “pipe” you actually mean “crack pipe”? And by professor… he just looked like one because he was old. I’ll tell you later… but it involved 12 orgasms and 2 were mine.
Favourite bored game? As in a game that makes you bored?
Tetris. I played it until I got bored. It took about 7 years.
Have you ever sneezed on a stripper while she was giving you a lap dance?
I had a piggy back from a stripper… may have drooled on her shoulder.
What is the last thing you thought out loud?
“Serenity now.”
What ice cream flavour sends shivers up your spine and your willie?
I imagine a pee-flavoured ice cone would.
Are you really there man?
Yeah. I am.
Really?
Yeah.
That’s you then?
Yeah, it’s me.
Cool.
True.
What underwear aren’t you wearing right now?
Calvin Kleins. I’m always free balling and I wear the same pants every day… ladies.
Have you ever drank water?
Yes, I’ve even bought water… How fucking stupid am I.
Really? Holy shit dude.
I fuckin’ know.
When was the last time you farted?
I’m constantly seeping out of my arse.
Was it wet or dry?
Mixture, like a gas leak leading to an explosion to a slow release of gas.
More chesty or throaty?
Chesty.
Warbler or SBD?
I kind of crop dust.
That’s disgusting, remind me not to let you turn your back on me.
Who is the last person you rooted over Myspace? Like cyber over the comments “box”?
I haven’t cyber-fucked anyone over Myspace in the comments part, but thanks for the idea. Maybe I’ll fuck Steve.
If you could poop anywhere in the world, where would you poop?
I’ve thought about this – probably France.
Ever go camping?
Yeah, I got a tick on my anus.
Ever go spelunking if you know what I mean?
Sure have buddy.
Ever found anything down a toilet?
A poo-poo.
What the hell were you doing down the toilet anyway?
An adventure.
Ever connect a whole bunch of bendy straws so you can use it to covertly steal drinks?
Ha yes.
Why the hell not?
This question is irrelevant.
Where is your mum right now?
Possibly on the toilet.
Ha ha. Is that what she told you? Ignorance is bliss motherfucker.
Ohh I didn’t see that one coming.
Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes I’ve been on every roller coaster.
Ever puked on a roller coaster?
No, but I’ve puked after getting hit in the nuts.
Ever fingered a girl on a roller coaster?
No, but I watched that movie where Marky Mark did it to Reese Witherspoon.
Ever fingered yourself on a roller coaster?
I wish I did.
Ever go into a drive-through without a car and get four people so you can pretend to be a car and you’re in the driving seat going honk honk?
I’ve walked through a drive-through before and asked for a sundae.
What is it about potpourri that’s so appealing anyway?
Man I dunno. It’s kind of like Valentine’s Day, knowmsayin’.
What is the meaning of life?
You know those moments when you nail an awesome guitar solo whilst you’re having sex with two models to make your girlfriend jealous? That’s the meaning of life, you with me?
What happened to my left shoelace?
You haven’t told me about that story. I’m sure it’s gay.
