Women Will Test You
“Why don’t you go talk to that cute girl over there?” said Nicole.
“…You’re right, I will.” I got up and walked to the other end of the carriage, and sat down next to the brunette.
“Hey what’s up?” I said. “My name is Jones.”
“Christine,” she said, almost from a daze.
I started talking about the first thing that came into my head, this story about a Russian woman I met telling me about how the town she grew up in in Siberia was a secret town, not on the map. They built nuclear weapons there.
“Siberia isn’t in Russia,” said Christine is a scathing tone, as if I’d just said the dumbest thing in the world.
“Isn’t it? How do you know?”
“My family is Russian.”
“Okay, cool. Well, I’m going to go now. Bye.” I checked GoogleMaps later. Siberia sure is in Russia. Though at the time, I questioned it. I must admit it got to me a bit. Though it probably weirded me out more than anything. Come over for some friendly conversation. Bam! Rude girl wants to argue about geography.
That’s probably how this interaction seems to a lot of you as well, especially if you’ve never approached a girl you’re attracted to. To you it would seem like I’d gone up and talked to some girl, and she’d just acted like a snot-nosed brat. Well, she was, but there’s actually a lot more going on there.
What the girl is doing is trying to see how big my balls are. She basically wants to know if I’m man enough to handle a little brat. At the time, I probably wasn’t. She’s going to test you by picking apart anything you say to her.
Say an average guy comes up and starts talking to a girl. He starts telling some story about what he did over the summer. Now, because all the girl knows of him is this story, and because he sees the girl as higher value than him, he has a lot invested in the story. From his perspective, the story is his entire identity in this situation. He already he has an ego built around it. All of a sudden, he’s very vulnerable. The ego is a very fragile construction. If the girl were to apply pressure in just the right place, his ego structure would crumble, and he would be emotionally distraught, revealing him for the shell of a man he really is.
“Where are you guys going tonight? Oxford Street? Isn’t that where all the gay guys go?” he says.
“You’d know something about that, would you?”
“I… well, uh… No!” Oops. There he goes.
Another time. I’m at Angelique’s birthday party at the Lucky Coq. I’m talking to this friend of a friend of Angelique’s. Her name is Cassie. She’s 5’8″, blonde, fake tan, and a hairdresser. She keeps looking over my shoulder at the security guard in the corner.
“He’s your type, uh?”
“No, no. Not at all. He’s too… big.” She turns and looks me in the eye, and says “And oh, looks are very important to me.”
I thought for a second. “Oh no, what if he doesn’t find me attractive?” Then I realised: “Hold on, I don’t give a shit if she finds me attractive.”
This is a good one though, because it puts a guy on the spot that he can’t even argue his way out of. If the guy really believes he’s ugly, all he can say is “Oh.” The funny thing about this is, if a girl says this stuff and the guy actually isn’t affected (i.e. he passes the test) the girl actually looks like a huge dork.
“Ah. That’s cool,” I said. (That’s me seeing that she’s a huge dork and being nice about it) Though, the other possible interpretation was that she was paying me an obscure compliment, which in a way, she was.
Here’s the thing. Girls are attracted to strong men, emotionally strong men. Men who don’t need other people to tell them what is right. Men who can rely on their own judgement. Guys will try to fake it with body language tricks, surrounding themselves with things, nice clothes, fancy cars. Or they’ll employ gamey techniques that make the girls react in the short term. That’s why they test. They want the genuine article.
Girls don’t test complete chodes (unless the girl is a sicko). They don’t have to. They already know they’re never going to have sex with you. If you’re a complete douche who she just knows she’s never going to be attracted to, ever, and you come up and talk to her, she’ll be nice to you. If you’re a possible mate but she’s not sure, she has to find out. That’s why women test.
One time when I was dating Angelique, we were sitting on the couch. My birthday had just passed.
“25… By 25 I was managing a team of ten reps.” She looked at me expectantly. I don’t think she realised it when she started saying it, but by the time she finished, she probably knew what she was implying. Her frame here is that career is important in the measure of a person. She’s a very career-driven person. What she’s implying is that my life is sub-par, even that I’m a loser. Remember, she’s not saying it to be nasty. It’s a game of sorts.
I felt a little sting on the outside, for a microsecond. However, when I looked inside I realised I was satisfied with my life.
Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is: All girls are dorks and don’t have shit on me. Stay classy Melbourne.
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Comments (4)
moral of the story, no fat chicks
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Siberia is indeed a massive area encompassing various oblasts of the Russian Federation (often just abbreviated to Russia) and but not all inhabitants are ???????, or ethnic Russians. Geography is more than just looking at Google maps, you know. Anyhow, Siberia has a minuscule number of ethnic Russians compared to the rest of the Federation, so this bird was correct demographically – but I’m guessing you paraphrased what she said and got it wrong. Judging from the “quality” of your writing I wouldn’t be surprised.
Oh, and Tucker Max was so 2005. Even still, try creating your own format instead of swiping his.
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yeah… cool. so what’s your phone number.
[Reply]
Point proven.
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