The Penis Psychic
Charlton’s is a great dive for karaoke. Though it once sported the most exhaustive list of possible karaoke songs, now somehow it had changed karaoke companies and the list has been cut down to a bare minimum of thirty five sheets, lacking even a single Bowie song.
I’m standing on the side of the dancefloor with Bernadette. Bernadette is taking pictures of her friend Gizi getting groped on the dancefloor by a post-punk.
The five foot tall girl with the black hair and glasses pulled Bernadette down to talk in her ear. Bernadette pulled me over to talk in my ear.
“Apparently I don’t have to worry about – that guy is impotent. Don’t ask me how she knows this… I hope she’s right because that guy looks like a sexual predator.”
“She must be his confidant.”
Romeo continued to molest Gizi. He started to put his hands up the back of her skirt, still on the dancefloor. Classy.
Shorty grabbed Bernadette and pulled her ear down again.
Then Bernadette, to me: “She says the guy I’m talking to has a really small penis.”
“Who?”
“You.”
“Aw snap. And it was going to be a surprise too.”
“Apparently she can tell the size of guys’ penises just by looking at them. She’s a penis psychic.”
“I bet she gives really good head.”
“She’s boner fide, if you know what I’m saying. HEY where did Zigmund go?”
Zigmund had disappeared with the Penis Psychic. That night he broke his five-and-a-half-month dry spell, with the one woman who could really appreciate his manliness.
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Comments (1)
SHE’S A FREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!
we ran into her again on another jaunt at Charltons last night and I went to go say hi for the lolz and she remembered me and was like “OH YOU’RE THE GIRL I WAS HARPING ON ABOUT MY PSYCHIC POWERS TO! OH HEEEY!”
then my friend comes up, and she’s crapping on about how great the sex was and how I should go there, my other friend comes up and is like “WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT ME?” and she went through the “EVER SINCE I WAS YOUNG I CAN JUST TELL CERTAIN THINGS: speech again, I was busy laughing my ass off and texting furiously, She then goes to my friend “OK, STAND STILL.” puts her hand on his chest, steps back, goes all quiet and is like OK
YOU LIKE SODOMY ETC ETC,
dude, no great mystery
he’s as gay as christmas. I am starting to think she may not be that great of a psychic!
She remembered you too! I tried to defend yr honour a bit and she was like “OH GENERALLY I LIKE TO TOUCH PEOPLE TO REALLY GET A FEEL FOR THESE THINGS”
*insert smutty drunken crack here*
I was very proud of my wittiness but in retrospect I was covered in beer and had a scraped knee from tripping over.
It may not have been all that great, but for the sake of it being a good story, i’m going with the super suave version.
So I got a photo with her cause I figured this shit has to be documented.
Needless to say “Zigmund’s” new girlfriend was not impressed, It could have been when she came over and started grinding her ass on him while the two of them were making out.
Like I said, Freak.
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