Trouble In A Bubble.

San Francisco Sexual Adventures Part Four – Internet Wingmen, San Francisco Cokewhore Nightclubs and Not Making Breakfast

“You!  What happened to Fresno?” said Jaime as Aster and I walked into their place.

“I decided against it.  I figured I’d only have one day in LA if I went.”

Taylor looked at me blankly, and said nothing.

“So what are you guys doing tonight?”

“We’re meeting up with some guy from the Internet in Fidi.”

“What’s a fidi?”

“The Financial District?”

“What?  I’ve never heard it called that before.  You should be wary of people you meet on the Internet.  He could have ulterior motives.  This is San Francisco, after all.”

“Yeah – that’s weird you would want to meet some guy off the ‘Net,” said Taylor.

“What do you mean?  I met Aster off the Internet.”

“No you didn’t.  We met in a bar,” Aster said sternly.  The first two rules of Fight Club.

I laughed.

Aster and I were going to get lunch, and Spesh messaged me.  “How’s SF mate? Did Aster get my text about Capone? He needs to tap that pronto.”

Hm.  Spesh must have got the rundown from Taylor.  “He lost his phone, remember. He doesn’t think it can be done.  He doesn’t think she puts out.”

“I believe in him.  Taylor thinks it’s on too.  Just needs to oil the axles with booze and lead hardcore.”

I showed Aster the text and he laughed “He believes in me?  Can’t I get a six step attraction formula instead?”

Spesh texted back “It’s all about beliefs mate.  That’s all that matters nowadays.  Did you see the planetarium?”

“Nah, we didn’t get in time to get a booking.”

Then he wrote back, enigmatically “It’s the fucking cookie.  Motion sickness timez.  Have fun and ttyl.”

We met up with Gamma from RSDNation.  Cool guy.  The thing was though, he was a top guy at the San Francisco Lair, and he was training up a crew of ten chodes – some of them even had balls to go with it.

The funny thing about bars in San Francisco.  A lot of them are really small, and even though it was Friday night, when we rolled into a bar, the bouncer would say “Looks like it’s going to be a real sausage fest.”  Inside there were about three groups of girls, which we’d quickly creep out and have to move on to the next bar.

Aster said it made him realise how good we have it in Melbourne.  Places like Transport and Espy, filled up with 200 people on a slow night.  Transport is rated as one of the top five places in the world to pick up, probably because it’s full of Irish backpackers, and girls from the outer suburbs who come out on their “big night on the town” – away from all the people they went to high school with.  No self-respecting Melbournite would go to Transport, except corporate types, and lair members.

“You know how Jeffy always talks about those places in San Francisco that are full of cokewhores?  This is the place,” said Gamma.

His friend joked “The easiest way to get a girls’ attention in this place is to sniffle and rub your nose a lot.”

This place was a bit bigger.  It had AT LEAST ten girls in it.  AT LEAST.  I let loose, got my creep on, and hooked a 29 year old blonde with the body of a 15 year old.  Stella.

She kept Blackberrying all her IM friends while I was talking to her.

“Hey!” I said.  “Talk to me.  I’m a real person.”

“I am talking to you!  Wait – let me add you on Facebook.”

I get a text from Taylor.  They said they were at some Irish pub near their place.

Aster said we should go.  “You should take this girl with you.”

“I’m not sure I want to take this girl.”

“Why not?  She’s good to go.”

“What about Taylor?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to bring another girl there when I’m going to see Taylor.”

“Fuck Taylor.  You’ve gone for her the past two nights and got nothing.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right.”  I actually liked Taylor though.

Stella said goodbye to her friends and came out the front with us.  One of her guy friends IM’d her saying “Looks like someone’s getting lucky tonight.”

She texted back “No, I don’t sleep with guys the first night I meet them.”

As we were waiting for a taxi, Aster said to me “She’s really good to go – you should just take her back to the hotel.”  And I tried, half-assedly.  However, she knew something I didn’t – her place was two blocks away from the Irish pub we were going to.

Taxi.  Irish pub.  The place was packed – there was really people in there, a lot of them.  We went up the back and found Taylor and Mariana.  I introduced them.  Stella grabbed me and made out with me.  I didn’t resist.

Taylor and Mariana walked off in puzzlement.

Getting drinks at the bar with Stella.  I ordered Captain Morgan and Coke.  A cute chubby brunette came and rubbed Stella’s torso, then her boobs.

“Sorry – I just felt up your girlfriend,” she said with a smile.

I laughed “Cheeky bitch.”

She said “Sexy bitch.”

I ended up dancing with both of them, trying to get them to make out.  It didn’t work out.  Brunette disappeared, maybe to go find her male friend that was lurking throughout some of the interaction.

Twenty minutes later, I said “Come on.  Get your jacket.  Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“My hotel.”

“No – I can’t.  I don’t sleep with guys on the first night.”

“S’ko.”

“No, I can’t.”

“S’ko.”

“…You can come back to my place as long as you leave right after we have sex.”  As if I wanted to stay and make her breakfast.

“Okay.”

We walked to her place.  Climbed three sets of stairs.  Got naked.

She wanted me to go down on her, but her pussy looked like an exploded banana lasagna.  Not appetising.  We had sex, and afterwards she said I had to cuddle her.

“Whoa – you said I had to leave afterwards,” I laughed.  “That was not part of the deal.”

I cuddled her and she fell asleep instantly.  I went back to the bar and tried to find Aster… Taylor… Brunette.  No avail.  In retrospect I wish I’d approached again and went for the double feature.

I went back to the Monarch and fell asleep.

Aster finished his night by standing there listening to Capone.  After 15 minutes he started blatantly hitting on girls in front of her.

“Aster – why did you do that?”

“Let’s face it.  I’m only in San Francisco for another seven hours, and I want to get laid.  I may as well spend my time where I’m going to get a return on my investment.”  Capone was not impressed.

Taylor had said to Aster: “I can’t believe Jones brought a girl with him and made out with him in front of us.”

Aster just said matter-of-factly: “Yep.  He’ll do that.”

“She said that?” I said.  “She must think I’m a cretin.  Maybe I am a cretin.”

“Maybe.  I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

Continued – Los Angeles Adventures Part 1 – Gold Member meets Iron Mike, Those Fucking Tourists and Revenge of the Nerds M3

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