Milo loses his virginity on a slippery dip and Travis gets his butt fingered
It’s Edmond’s 18th. I’m standing in his garage sucking on a light beer that my parents had given me.
I’m catching up with Hendricks.
“Man I’m going to grab a beer – do you want another one?”
There are two girls, a blonde and a brunette. Both a little chubby, both have nice breasts. The fact that we’ve never met them before instantly makes them more attractive, in comparison to the girls that we’ve gone to school with for the past five years. Hendricks says something subtle like “What I want, is to grab one of them. And by ‘grab’, I mean ‘fuck’.”
I remember running into Hendricks five years later. I was promoting Plan International at Greenhills Shopping Centre. Hendricks walks up and says hi, and introduces me to a 19 year old honey he’s hanging out with. I start shooting the shit with him. Honey wanders off rudely. I keep talking to Hendricks. He says “Hey I’d better go follow her.” I said “What? Are you serious? We haven’t talked in ages – you need to get your priorities straight!”
“But you have to do what they say, otherwise you won’t get any.” The poor guy actually believes it.
“Nah bro, you’ve got to lay down the law. You’ve got to tell her how it is.”
He laughed. I laughed. “I’m laughing – but I am deadly serious. I am so serious.”
He laughed some more, shook my hand and left.
So that was Hendricks, God bless him. Maybe he’s de-choded by now.
So Hendricks went up to the girls and started dancing next to them. Obviously he wants to dance with them, but he’s just dancing next to them. The song would come to some bit like “All I want is. All I want is youuuuuuuu” and he’d point at one of them. Totally lame, but at least the guy was trying.
Milo. Milo was about 17 at the time, and a virgin. Loved to drink. Eventually his spleen gave way and it had to be removed. Doctor said not to drink, as in he was endangering his life if he continued. He stopped drinking, for a few days. Then he got right back to it. I ran into him the next night and he gave me a self-satisfied goofy look and said “Jones – this is brilliant – with no spleen I can get drunk and I’ll stay drunk for days!”
Once Crispin bet him $50 that he couldn’t stay sober for thirty days. He stopped cold turkey, collect the $50, and used it to buy three rounds of bourbon and coke.
So that’s Milo for you.
I came out the front a couple of hours later. Milo was leaning against the grey brick divider in the front yard, making out with Darla, the brunette. Travis was next to him, making out with the blonde, Clarisse. Gathered around them was an army of chodes, which I joined, and assumed the rank of corporal.
A minute later, the blonde was making out with Milo, and the brunette with Travis. I said “Hang on… My eyes process it but my brain doesn’t understand it.”
Milo said “Just go with the flow, baby.”
I remember Travis got pissed at the girls. They’d lead him on, making him think he was going to get laid, then backed off at the last moment. He confronted them and told them sternly. I put my arm around Travis and said “Bros before hoes!” I was sober enough to realise that what I’d just said had no relevance, but drunk enough not to care. No one else seemed to notice.
But Travis did fuck Clarisse. He recounted later: “I whipped it out, put on a franger, lifted up her skirt, put her on my lap. But after all that teasing, and back and forth, I couldn’t get it hard enough.
“So there I am with a girl on my lap, fucking her with a half hard-on. She reaches down with her hand, and I’m thinking, okay, she’s going to play with my balls to wake up Little John.
“But no. She sticks a finger up my butt. Great. What’s worse, on the out-motion, her big acrylic nails scratch against the inside of my arse. That. Is sensitive.”
Milo went around looking for condoms. I said “I’ve got one – here let me get it.”
My friend’s girl Jen said “Aw that’s so nice of you Jones.”
“Hah. Not really. Let’s be honest, I’m not going to need it.” I really identified with being a virgin. I pulled out the condom from my wallet. The packet had broken long ago and I hadn’t noticed.
“Great. I can’t use that!”
“Maybe it’s still okay,” I said. The lube on the condom had all dried up and gone crusty. “Maybe not,” I said.
Milo did find a condom. He took Darla to the most appropriate, most private place he could find. A park playground. He bent her over the slippery-dip.
Problem was, the party was finishing, so the guys had no entertainment. Tristan started off hiding behind bushes, creeping around.
The thing about Tristan. When we were in year 11 at high school, Tristan was a good student. One day out of the blue, him and a couple of other guys got excited while the teacher was out of class. They set a chair on fire. It got a little out of hand. Smoke alarms went off. The chair was sitting there in the middle of the room burning strong. All the guys are saying “OH fuck,” and not having any idea what to do.
A couple of years after school, while Tristan was still at uni, he rings me up and says “HEY Jones, guess what kind of job I’ve got?”
“I don’t know – clean-up guy at a peep-show?”
“No! They pay me to blow stuff up!” He’d gotten a job as a civil engineer making new explosives. So that’s Tristan.
The rest of the guys followed. After about five minutes, they said fuck it, and got closer, until they were about ten metres away. Eventually they were even heckling and suggesting things like “Do it on the swings!” All the while, Milo was doing the doggy, telling the guys to fuck off.
My parents came to pick me up and I went home.
THE END.
Related Posts:
Comments (1)
Gathered around them was an army of chodes, which I joined, and assumed the rank of corporal… i remember this guy
[Reply]