Last Night
Aster called me today.
I said “Hey man.”
“Hey”
“How are you?”
“Urgh… Hungover.”
“Heh. No kidding. What happened to no drinking so much when you go out, huh?”
“Yeah that went out the window with the first pot. I fucked a fat chick last night.”
“What? I thought you went home.”
“Well, yeah. I did, well almost. Montgomery called me as I was walking up the street and said he was at Pony… man he was coked up to the eyeballs. I was only there for about half an hour.”
“So was she hot?”
“She was not attractive. I feel like I’m losing my integrity when I go home with girls like that.”
“You don’t say.”
“Yeah. You know what she did. She kept saying ‘oh you’re so hot you’re so hot’. Low self esteem type shit.”
“Oh no… not that. I would have said ‘I’m going home,’ and leave it at that.”
“Yeah… nasty. It was crazy seeing you with that girl last night. It was like a demonstration… every time she said no and you kept going… her attraction went through the roof!”
“What? She said no?”
“Haha. So did you take that other girl home?”
Friday. We said we’d head out to Chapel St but didn’t quite make it. SS was coming into the city at 10:30… too late for us to get into Electric Lady Land, and Aster was non communicado for some reason.
So, Transport timez. I’d promised myself I’d approach the first girl I saw. I didn’t, and felt like a twat. But after I got a beer and was standing by the bar, I was clawing at everything walking past.. nothing hooked.
I went to dance for a while, owning the dancefloor. No one dances at Transport. When they put in the dancefloor a month ago, it was like it was just for me. It was particularly empty last night. My state was taking a barrel roll. I went to grab some girl to dance with her. She says “Um I’m right thanks.”
I felt like saying “Bitch, I didn’t ask.”
I felt like crying. I kept thinking of Angelique. I left the building and got some cigarettes while I waited for SS.
We went to Lounge. After a couple of hours, Aster turned up with a black guy with an afro and two cute girls. As soon as I waved at the brunette from the balcony, she was attracted to me… powerfully. Then I went to talk to her later and she was “eh”. I don’t know what I did to mess it up.
Aster introduced me to these girls. The brunette was cute. She had nice curves. I think her name was… I don’t think she ever told me her name.
Now I don’t remember exactly how this happened, I remember her walking up to me, and near the first thing that she said to me was:
“You’re too young for me.”
which is pretty much girl-talk for
“I’m thinking of having sex with you.”
I said “Cool.”
She walked right around me. I just stood there, like a rock. She wandered off for a second.
Aster said “You know what we’re messing with here, right?”
“What?”
“A woman’s AFL team.”
“Oh.” They were all kind of… stocky.
I went and grabbed the brunette to kiss her. She didn’t oblige.
“I’m married.”
And she showed me her ring. I didn’t notice it at the time, but it was on her right ring finger. Silly.
“Cool.”
“Damnit! I knew you were going to say that.”
It’s so rare for a woman to find a man who doesn’t buy into her shit. The greatest gift a man can give is to not buy into a woman’s shit.
However, it wasn’t “cool”. Or I thought it wasn’t. I don’t fuck married chicks. It’s a pity my Sherlock Holmes instincts weren’t switched on.
Another member of the women’s AFL team, blonde, 5 foot 6 and dreadlocked, grabbed me and made out with me. She was the prickliest woman I’d ever kissed. She was the most angular woman I’ve ever been intimate with. She was a personal trainer and her body was very tight. But she must have shaven her entire body a couple of days ago and the regrowth was killer.
Spooning in bed with her later was a chore. I took her home for what. I couldn’t get wood to fuck her. I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I tried to fuck her. I grabbed her and pulled her on top of me. She was full of muscle and extremely heavy. I tried to push her up so she would ride me. She just didn’t budge, like dead weight. Most unhelpful lover ever. Plus her pussy was low on her body. That’s so annoying. I guess she’d cooled down since the night, because when I put her on her back and went to penetrate her, she said “What time is it? I have to work at 8:30.”
Moodkiller extreme. I went back to sleep.
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Comments (1)
this is funny and well written.
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