Las Vegas Sexual Adventures Part Seven – Annaliese No. 2 1/2
“Do you think we should just go in?”
“He looks like he might be in the middle of something. Could be a sensitive time.”
Aster owed Tamer $400, so we’d come here to Parasol to give the money to Spesh. Spesh was reclining in his chair next to some blonde, fifteen metres away, with a huge glass door between us and him. He hadn’t seen us.
“Yeah – he does looks pretty engrossed. I’ll text him.”
“He looks so awkward and angular.”
“Hah. We’re doing espionage on Spesh here. Speshpionage… You know you’re right – I guess it’s because he’s so tall.”
Watching this 6’5″ lanky, skinny, white, very white Englishman sitting outdoors in a cocktail bar, it’d be easy to overlook him – from a guy’s perspective anyway. You might not realise that this is the man who Natural Tim described as “the biggest pimp in North America right now”.
“It looks like she’s not that into him,” I said. But this is why game is not a spectator sport. It’s the same reason that when you show a guy Treas‘s “Oi minger!” video, and he says “She was just bored – that’s why she stayed there talking to him”, you know that guy is not in the field. The classic chodexplanation.
(For those of you who haven’t seen the video, it’s since been removed off Youtube. But to give you the drift, Alex verbally near-assaults a Norwegian girl, grabs her, and tells her to make out with him on camera. When she refuses, he asks her “Why not?” as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to make out with him – and for a lot of girls, it is. After the video stopped, he ended up laying her.)
Finally, we decided to barge in on Spesh. Walked up to the hostess. I reached for my passport. Aster reached for his passport.
“Oh you didn’t leave your passport at the hotel, did you, you silly bastard,” said Spesh, as he emerged from the glass door.
Aster shook his hand and laughed. I shook his hand.
“What’s up?”
“Just cherishing in the night.” The girl outside was his long-term San Francisco girlfriend, Taylor.
Aster said “Oh right – I thought it might be Tina,” – Spesh’s long-term Vegas girlfriend Tina.
“No, no. Tina’s still in New York. So are you guys coming out tonight or what.” It wasn’t a question.
For five nights in a row, Aster had been saying to me that he was going to take a night off, or at least take a night off drinking.
“We were going to have a quiet one, but now that you mention it…”
“Yes! So the Bristol crew is in effect – what about you, Hugh Jackman?”
“Ah. I was keen to just chill at the hotel,” I said.
“Come on Mel Gibson, don’t bail on us now!”
“I dunno…”
“It’s your last night in Vegas – you’ve got to go out tonight Matt Damon!”
“Matt Damon isn’t even Australian.”
“No, but he is retarded!”
“I see your point. Okay, since we’re in Vegas, I’ll flip you for it.”
Spesh called it “Tails never fails!” and the quarter evaded my hand, spun out onto the marble floor, and stopped. Tails.
“Alright buddy – you’re coming out tonight!” I didn’t think of it at the time, but Spesh was well on his way to being really drunk.
Back to the hotel. Get changed. Get Aster’s pasaporte. Back to Encore.
As we walked through the casino I noticed an interesting table.
On National Lampoon’s Trip To Vegas, there’s that scene where they go to a dodgy casino, with games like “Guess Which Number I’m Thinking”, “Coin Toss”, and “War”.
I guess there must have been some casino execs that paid attention, because now every casino in Vegas has Casino War. In Australia, it’s a drinking game called “Higher or Lower”. In Vegas, the drinks are free, as long as you’re giving away your money.
We met up with the guys on the roof, in the car park, tailgating out of Tamer’s big red four wheel drive.
Spesh was wearing his shiny silver American Apparel jacket with a Union Jack badged onto the sleeve. He was happy to see us. “Hey! GUys! This is TAYLor. And this is Drake!” We shook hands with everyone.
“So you guys are coming to San Francisco in a few days?” said Taylor.
“Tomorrow, actually.”
“Oh awesome! It’s my birthday on Wednesday so you guys can come out drinking with us.”
Taylor seemed unusually friendly. I thought, maybe she’s just like that. We were Spesh’s friends, after all.
“Yeah, so I just moved to San Francisco a few months ago, so I’m still figuring it out. I’m actually from -”
“Oh no!” laughed Drake. Spesh turned the bottle of vodka upside-down on his head, waited till it all poured out, stared at the bottle for a second, then threw it down on the ashphalt a few metres away, smashing it.
Kinda set the pace for the rest of his night. Once we got into the club, Spesh would say to Aster “ALriGHT! I’m going to get you LAID tonight mate,” and drunkenly grabbed girls, virtually slobbering in their ears “HEY! This is my friend Aster! He’s ENGLISH!” And throwing them onto him.
“Uh… sorry about my friend. He’s quite drunk.”
Then when they wandered off, Spesh would say “Oh well! Better luck next time mate!” Actually believing what he was doing was helping.
I walked into XS following Tamer. XS is reputedly the hottest nightclub in the world, and possibly the most expensive. It cost $100 million to build. While its little sister Tryst has a pond with a waterfall in the centre, XS has a huge three-quarter circle pool, with blackjack tables and a bar in the centre. XS is a club in a casino, with a pool in the middle, with a casino in the middle of the pool. It’s the circle of life.
The guys quickly dispersed, with the words “C’mere girl!” echoing throughout the nightclub. I grabbed a few girls as they walked past, but nothing stuck. I wasn’t resisting being there, but I was feeling a little unenthusiastic.
I walked to the right. There was a gorgeous brunette sitting at a table. Remember, if you go to a nightclub in Vegas and you want to sit down, it costs $500. Not really the way I prefer to spend my money, but there you go.
I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it was probably something like:
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Not much…”
“Are you keepin’ it gangsturr?”
“What?”
“Are you lowridin’ with the homeboys on the flipside, knahmean?”
“Haha what?”
“Keepin’ down lizzle at the crizzle befo’ the popo even know, knahmsayin?”
Ah, the keepin’ it gangsturr opener. How do I love thee.
Actually, I probably didn’t say that, because she had an entourage of four black girls. I have a little more tact than that.
No wait, maybe I did say it. Who knows. Point is, the set blew wide open like Dorothy’s door in a Kansas tornado.
Anyway, this post is too long and I know you all have ADD so I’ll finish the story in another post.
Continued – Las Vegas Sexual Adventures Part Seven – Annaliese No. 2 2/2.
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Comments (2)
haahhahhaha good stuff! knahmean?
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