Adventures of Angelique
“You know how when a girl is around a guy, she’ll hold in her farts, right?”
“No… hahhaha no”
“Well they do. Girls want to make a good impression, so they hold in their farts.”
A friend of Angelique’s, maybe her name was Antonia… she’d gone away with a guy for a long weekend. She was so determined to make a good impression, that she didn’t fart or shit for the whole weekend.
“You know, it doesn’t do you any good. If you hold in your farts, it comes out as B.O., or in your breath.” I said.
“Really? Oh… well it really didn’t do her any good. After a few days of holding in her shit, she had to go to ER with these weird pains in her stomach.”
“Kind of ruins the romance.”
“Yeah…”
Another time… Angelique was in Sydney. She was walking to her car and there was this guy moaning in the gutter. It looked pretty serious so she called the emergency services. Maybe the guy had his drink spiked and needed a stomach pump or something.
Two cops showed up, a guy and a girl. The guy came up and started talking to Angelique as she got into her car. So the guy was getting Angelique’s phone number while the female cop struggled to get this guy up out of the gutter.
After a couple of dates, they went back to his place. Angelique had probably had a few drinks. She spread out on the bed.
Mr. Policeman started taking off his pants and saying “Listen I know it’s going to look a little funny at first, but trust me I know how to use it.”
Angelique’s on the bed thinking “what the fuck is he talking about… this is weird”
He took off his pants and revealed a two inch pin prick. It looked sharp, like he could burst a balloon with it. It looked like… some kind of exotic animal’s penis, maybe a shark’s, or a snake’s.
Angelique got up and walked out. The guy was still calling out “Noo… it’s okay! Trust me I’ll give you the best sex of your life!” She never saw him again.
Another time… still in Sydney. She went on a date with this guy, kind of a rich arsehole. Took her to some fancy restaurant.
She told him she never had a one night stand. He tried to convince her that she should because they’re awesome. He wasn’t trying to convince her to have sex with him, just that one night stands are great.
He was going to give her a lift home or something. They jumped in his car. They got to talking, maybe a little make out action. All of a sudden, he whips out an 8 inch erection.
“Wow,” she thought “That is one big cock.”
She got out of the car and took a taxi home.
“It’s a pity he was such an arsehole… because I would have liked to play with that cock.”
Lying in bed with her, I started slapping her big ol’ butt. Patishhggg patishhggg.
“Hey – why is it making such a weird sound?”
“What weird sound?”
“That gurgling. Oh it’s because you’re holding in your farts isn’t it.”
“Noooo.”
I started tickling her and kissing her, then we went to sleep.
