Tristan and the Golddigging Whores
“Come on Tristan – I’ve approached hundreds of girls and nothing like that has ever happened.”
“Yeah… well I just know that if I go up to a girl and say hi, the next thing you know, the boyfriend will jump out from behind a pillar and say ‘what’s all dis den?’”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re telling me it hasn’t happened to me after hundreds of times – the boyfriends have even come up and shaken my hand and given me props for having the balls to come up and talk to the girl – but you’re going to get trounced for doing it? That’s totally ridiculous.”
“Yeah… well that’s just my luck. Anyway I don’t want to meet girls – they’re all golddiggers. All the girls I meet are after my money.”
“What? That’s insane man. Maybe it’s different in Perth… but no, it can’t be that different. I don’t think I’ve hardly had a girl ask what I do for a living. There was this one time when I was seventeen and this girl asked if I had a car.”
“Yeah… but you don’t understand. See I have this competition with my friend when we’re in bars. We go back and forth yelling at each other:
‘You earn HOW MUCH??? $110 000 a year??? GET OUT OF HERE!’
and then he’ll retort with
‘YOU EARN $120 000 a year?? THAT’S AMAZING!’”
“Ah. Well somehow I think you’re bringing the gold diggers on yourself there Tristan.”
“Yeah… It’s just like I told you man… They’re all gold diggers.”
That night we went out to the Clubhouse. We were pretty drunk. There’s this cute neo-punk chick standing by the ATM. Tristan says to me “Why don’t you go talk to her, Jones? She’s wide -”
Uh she wasn’t fat… he was about to say “wide open”
I said “Okay.” and was moving before he finished the sentence.
“Hey there. You look cool I thought I should meet you.”
The chick is like “Uhh… heh… Uh yeah.” mumbling quietly.
“Yeah cool. So anyway blah blah blah.”
Just then a six foot punk motherfucker wearing all black rises up out of the ground.
“HEY! What the fuck did you say to her?” He obviously was not so happy with the current state of affairs.
“Oh hey man. I said she looks cool and I thought I should meet her.” I said with a blissful smile.
“Oh yeah? Well… fuck off then!” and he walked off with his girl.
“Cool man nice to meet you.”
Last time I ever go clubbing with Tristan.
