Sup Bitch? How Not To Talk To A Lady
I got into Precinct and shook hands with Aster. Rutkowski and Alexei were in the corner talking to some girls. Tonight is the night that Rutkowski becomes a man. Bootcamp.
I pulled out my camera and started taking a couple of photos of Rutkowski in set. Aster said “Hey that chick in the purple looks good for you. She has huge tits.”
I said “I don’t think so.”
Within a minute the girls were beckoning me over. I thought it must be because they were impressed with my air of debonair sophistication, and acute dress sense. I walked over.
“Hey! What are you going to do with those photos?!” The one in black asked abruptly.
“Straight to Facebook, baby.”
“You better not take any more photos or I will take that camera and break it!”
“You’re very rude,” I said, and walked off. If she’d just asked me nicely I would have deleted the photos in a second. I was just taking the photo of Rutkowski – like I actually give a shit about a photo of some girl I’ve never met. Ridiculous behaviour. Those girls are so uptight.
Alexei and Rutkowski were getting on okay with them though. Alexei had just downed two Redbulls and was firing game like an automatic.
“Slow down!” she said. “You don’t have to talk so fast.”
“No problem. Thanks for the advice.” The thing about Alexei, he’s softly spoken, very relaxed when he’s talking to people, and so he has an air of innocence about him. “Can I offer you some advice though?”
“What’s that?”
“You should relax more. Open your legs a little.” Oops.
The fat friends got up in arms “You can’t talk to a lady that way!!! You sleazebag!!! Get the hell out of here! That’s disgusting!”
Alexei was stunned. He walked up to me and I started talking to him about some random bullshit, completely unaware of the brilliant faux pas he’d just committed. He stared off into the distance. I said “Hey! You’re on tilt. Stay here with me!” and grabbed him and shook him.
“Sorry man… Fuck.”
Just then, the fatty of the group came up to us and said to Alexei “Listen to me! You need to learn how to talk to a lady!”
I let a huge grin cover my face and said “Sup bitch?”
She gave me a death glare, and her boyfriend pulled her off. Then he gave us death glares from three metres away, and said something I couldn’t make out. I put both thumbs up and said “Have a good night!” For the next ten minutes we were looking over our shoulders to make sure we didn’t get glassed.
The girl in black came over to Alexei later and said she didn’t really care about what he’d said, that it was just her fat friends that hadn’t been laid in a year that were uptight. Or something to that effect.
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Comments (2)
“Slow down!” she said. “You don’t have to talk so fast.”
“No problem. Thanks for the advice.” The thing Alexei, he’s softly spoken, very relaxed when he’s talking to people, and so he has an air of innocence about him. “Can I offer you some advice though?”
“What’s that?”
“You should relax more. Open your legs a little.” Oops.
MUAHAHAH. What a fail
[Reply]
haha yeah. he had the noblest of intentions
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