San Francisco Sexual Adventures Part Two – The Three Month Rule, The Dinner Table Trade-up, Polish Vodka And Stolen Guinness
I ran into Aster in the restroom at Kitaro.
“Hey mate – how are you doing?”
“Fine – everything is going just swimmingly.”
“Looks like you’re hitting it off with Capone.”
“Sort of. I don’t think she’s that sort of girl though. She keeps telling me all the reasons she doesn’t have sex.”
I laughed “Don’t give me that crap.”
“What crap.”
“Angelique never has sex on a first date. But she did with me. And it’s like Tamer telling us that story about the three month rule.”
Tamer told us about this girl he took out to the drive-in. She told him about three times that she didn’t have sex with guys until she’d been seeing them for three months. Tamer ignored and kept going for it. Eventually she said “You’re the kind of guy I break rules for,” and took off her top.
“So what you’re saying is,” said Aster “it’s basically a test?”
“What I’m saying is, she hasn’t had sex in a year and she needs to make an excuse for it, but she what she really needs is a deep dicking.”
He laughed.
“Anyway man, they’re all pretty cool girls,” I said. “Spesh was right – Taylor has hot friends.”
“Yeah. Taylor is pretty cool.”
“Yeah. Maybe hook up with her.”
“What? No. Can’t do that to Jackson.”
I’d been flirting with Taylor all night. She had a real warmth to her. Easy to talk to. Easy to get wasted with.
“Yeah… I guess you’re right,” I said, and put the idea out of my mind.
We got back to the table. Capone said “Hey! Who wants to do another sake bomb?” Sake bomb. Sake bomb.
Mariana was another of Taylor’s friends. She’d gotten to Kitaro later than the rest of us. She was gorgeous. Six foot tall, dark hair. Hot. Aster said that when Mariana came in, he considered changing focus from Capone. I guess the only reason he didn’t was because of how big a faux pas that would be. The Trade-up can be awkward at the best of times. Trading up from one dinner guest to another would be a ball breaker. Of course, part of me would love it if he had done it – just to see what chaos it would cause.
We got the bill. $240 worth of sake bombs, more or less.
I’d hardly said a word to Mariana the whole night, but when she was about to leave, it was just me, her and Taylor at the table. The rest of our party was waiting outside, or just about to leave, heading back to Taylor, Jaime and Capone’s place.
Mariana said “Aster and Capone are going on a date? All these people are going on dates. How come I don’t have a date!” Hint hint.
“You should take her on a date, Jones,” said Taylor.
I looked at Taylor. Then I looked at Mariana. I thought, that’s a little weird, but what the hell.
“Sure – what’s your number?”
She entered it into my phone. She had stood up to leave. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, then on the other cheek. Then full make out action.
Then she left.
I went to the restroom and ran into Aster again.
“Heyyo, what’s up gangsturr?”
“Not much, just being a proper geezer. Hey – you should go for Taylor, she seems really into you,” he said.
“Ah,” I stopped to think. “But I thought you said I shouldn’t do that to Jackson.”
“I was talking about for me, not for you. Nothing stopping you from going there.”
“Oh. Right.”
Now, had I been sober (much more sober), I could have sat down, worked it out in my mind, weighed the pros and cons, and still made out with Taylor ten minutes later. For some reason, I felt no guilt (and still don’t). I guess it’s because I knew that if Spesh were in the same situation, he would do the same to me – except quicker. He can’t though, because all my girlfriends are chubby, and he doesn’t like that.
Sitting down with Taylor, making out. Even though I was wasted, I was acutely aware of an empty feeling in my left pocket. I hadn’t loaded it. I had no condoms.
The wise, resourceful thing to do would be to grab Taylor, put her in a cab, and take her back to my hotel room. Instead, I blurted out “Have you got condoms at your place?”
Some times you can get away with suggesting sex to a girl. I get away with it more often because I do it innocently. This time, no. She disappeared. I guess it’s easy to disappear on a guy who has so many blank spots on his memory.
I hopped in a cab with Aster and Capone and we went back to their place.
We walked in and I saw the poster that Jaime had been talking about. It was filled with Taylor’s boyfriends and hook-ups. On the right side it said: Jackson “You are absolutely, indubitably the one for me – as long as I’m in San Francisco” McSomething.
Taylor knew what Spesh was about. He’d taken her back to England once, to meet his parents. She had a great time, and they’d taken a lot of great photos to remember it by. However, months later, she looked on his Facebook and saw photos of Spesh and his stripper girlfriend Tina, in exactly the same places, in exactly the same poses. She was not exactly happy.
Taylor was in the kitchen making nachos, with no guacamole or salsa. They had a five kilo bag of tortilla chips from Costco. Handles of Polish vodka on the kitchen table. A huge cookie, the diameter of a cake, with the words “Happy Birthday” on it. A gallon of soy sauce in the fridge.
“Hey! There you are. I lost you,” I said. I went up and made out with her.
Capone said “Whoa – isn’t that weird? Aren’t you friends with Jack?”
Aster said “No, I’m friends with Jack. He isn’t.”
I think we got into the vodka after that. I’m not entirely sure. Aster told me that, at one point, Taylor just had to show us her tan lines, by flashing her tits at us. I vaguely remember that.
In the end I was trying to grab Taylor and pull her to her bedroom, or something equally as tactful. She said “I’ll be right back,” and went and locked herself in her room, and didn’t answer. I was pissed.
I went to find Aster. He was hanging out with Capone in her bedroom. I had flashbacks to a time when Aster and I pulled two girls back to their place: My girl went to bed and locked the door. I slept on the couch, and Aster banged the blonde in the room above me, making the house shake like thunder.
I went to the loungeroom, closed the shutters so I couldn’t see through to Capone’s bedroom, sat down and shut my eyes.
Five minutes later, Aster came out and said hi.
“What the fuck are you doing out here?” I said.
“She doesn’t want it. Let’s go.”
“What? This is fucked. I’m not leaving empty handed. Let’s raid their fridge.”
I went to the fridge and took two bottles of Guinness, then we left.
Aster told me later that I was screaming out “Those fucking bitches!” on the street. We nearly made it home, when a police car turned around to get us. We were holding open bottles of alcohol.
“Oh shit! Let’s get out of here!” said Aster.
Of course the sane thing to do would be to wait around and explain to the officers that we weren’t from this country and weren’t familiar with their alcohol laws. Instead, we ran into a back street, and all the way to the hotel. We walked into the door and strode past the receptionist like everything was cool. Then we passed the fuck out.
Continued – San Francisco Sexual Adventures Part Three – The Black Hangover, The Mexican Tour and The Alcoholic Museum.
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Comments (5)
I really think the motto for your site should be something along the lines of “you never know if you don’t try”. You nut… LOL
[Reply]
Kurt Robinson Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:15 am
i like it, but i think it needs more zing. “Screw it, let’s do it” is good but already taken. “Fuck it, let’s fuck it” might work
[Reply]
>< wtf is this dribble.. you’ve never had sex in your life. and if it was true.. i bet she didnt know about it, nor wouldve she been awake
[Reply]
OH ho ho ho!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxxPLDZnqwA
is that you luke?
[Reply]
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