Non-fucking Back-punching
We went out to Red Violin a few months ago for Age’s birthday. It wasn’t until about 1:30 a.m. when we figured out the place had a second level, with a dancefloor and DJ. I’d just wondered where all the girls had been disappearing, because they hadn’t been walking out the door.
I was dancing with Rico.
“What’s wrong – don’t see anything you like?”
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t talked to any girls all night.”
“I’m just exhausted.” We’d stayed out till about 3 a.m. on Friday night, and I worked on Saturday. I got about 5 hours sleep. But I’ll still dance.
This dark girl grabbed me and said “You dance so well! I can only dance when I’m drunk!”
Her orange-haired short friend kept looking at me. Actually I wanted to fuck the blonde fatty. She must have had F cups. Fatty didn’t want a piece of it though. I’ll have to spearhunt some hogs some other time.
I grabbed Ginger and danced with her, then pulled her off the dancefloor and started talking some shit to her. She’s like “So, what do you do?”
“Ah you know, kill people, stop world famine, take down evil dictators. Masturbate… Hey do you want to have sex?”
“…Yes! I’m so glad you asked!”
“Yeah I thought I’d put it out there.”
“That’s so awesome that you just asked like that. Normally I just hang around and wonder. That makes it so much easier!”
“Cool, so do you want to come to my place?”
“I have to work tomorrow, but you can come to my place.”
Then we made out. Gandalf said to me later “Yeah… She was making sexy eyes to me earlier. I was glad when you took her so I didn’t have to run away. I thought she was rather grotesque.” Oh well. I thought she was cute.
Then she was dragging me around the club for some reason, literally pulling me. Kinda uncomfortable. I’m like “What is this? Where are you taking me?”
“I have to find my friends!!!”
“Cool, well I have to find my friends. I’m going back to the dancefloor.”
I met up with her later and she tried to drag me around again. It’s 3 am and I’m thinking I can’t be bothered with this bullshit. I’m tired. I say “I’ve had enough. I’m going home.”
“But… don’t you want to go home with me?” She looked heartbroken.
“No. Bye.” I turned around and started walking away. She punched me in the fucking back. Hahaha. Ironically – and you might won’t believe this – that is actually the closest thing I’ve had to being slapped in the face for asking a girl to have sex with me.
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Comments (1)
thats awesome
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