Internet Pick-Up Lines
Getting laid on the Internet is hard, look at some of these brilliant opening lines I’ve said to girls, still haven’t screwed any of them.
nice pic, looks like you have a killer body, i’m curious to know more. my names jones, i live in fitzroy north and i’m a totally awesome guy, date me and all your friends will be jealous. i’m a guy with great skills, i can bone a chicken …in less than a minute, i can also bone a chick in less than a minute, thats why they call me speedy
latttttter
when i first saw your picture i thought, that’s gotta be fake… now i want to touch to make sure
you seem cool though, we should hang out, we’ll go to luna park and you will get scared on the top of the ferris wheel and bury your face in my manly chest. then we’ll watch the sunset and you will be like “aww”, your heart will be moved to a special place and it will secure our friendship forever.. then we’ll make out and it’ll be totally hot
This girl, her name was trelokomio or some shit so i wrote a rhyme about it:
trelokomio i’m here to be your romeo, i’m gonna treat the pussy right, i’m not a homeo. i’m gonna give you cunnilingus and you can give me domeo. i’m a real man, not some kind of phonio.. i’ll leave a grin on your face like dolmios
Maybe i should have written, “I’ll leave sauce on your face like Dolmio’s.” Probably where i went wrong.
my name’s jones, i live in fitzroy, i’m a cool guy with a harem of a gazillion girls and i thought you might like to apply for membership. i’ll send you a form and you can write me back with your measurements and a $50 bribe… i promise, i will at least consider your application!
what’s goin on? i just went part time at work so i could spend more time playing poker and writing. i run a website called trouble in a bubble, it’s this site about my plans for world domination, and also about my plans for domination and submission.
anyway dude gotta go i’ll catch you round
this is jones live and direct in the flesh, about to get real sexual right now
feel the taste of ice cream on your lips and let it drip down to your genitals
girl i’m gonna lay you down and seduce you with sweet songs, barry manilow on the stereo and fill you full of passion pop… because when you’re full of passion pop you can never let the passion stop
tha’ts right i’m a real romantic
what’s crackalackin
before you go about seducing me i want you to know i’m really innocent and stuff, so dont think you have claim to my internet virginity. i like to take things slow, at least half an hour in the “getting to know you” phase.
ps please don’t judge me just because i’m an internet virgin, i’ve read a lot of comic books about how to have sex, so i’m totally a great lover.
i like your boobs, theyre pretty awesome, 5 stars on the jones scale, and i’m a harsh rater
but hey you should know, theres more to me than some guy who likes to stare at boobs. thats right i’m deeper than that… i’m also a legs man
my names jones. some people say to me, who is jones brixton, a literary genius, a poet, an adventurer, a sexual astronaut. yes people have called me these names and a lot worse, i just go by “jones” though. you can call me what you like but i’d especially like it if you called me sweetie pie
whats crackalackin, i noticed you flirted with me, must have been my overpowering sexual prowess that attracted you, i’ve been known to make a woman pregnant at five feet
hey there, my name’s jones and i’m new to this site
i just wanted to let you know that i’m an intellectual genius with the brain the size of a watermelon, with enough blood to pump through my body to discuss the nihilistic undertones of nietzsche while i tap that pussy into oblivion. just kidding, i don’t read nietzsche
i attached a photo and my profile though i can’t really remember what it says, hope you like it, if not i’ll rewrite it in caps to SEE IF IT GETS YOUR ATTENTION
later dude
omg the compatibility chart just came up 100%.. i must have found my soulmate (it’s you)
not really though, i think this compatibility thing just just measures the likelihood that we’ll sleep together if we make eye contact (it’s still at 100% btw)but i’m not into that philosophical stuff. i’m just here to tell you that i have a kick ass body that was sculpted by the ancient greeks out of pure steel, and installed with hydraulics that can knock down a small dirigible with the impact of my pelvic thrusts
good talking to you gotta go bye
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Comments (3)
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