Hey… My friend likes you
“hey hat guy, ella says hello and wants to c u this sat at the longroom”
“Is this Superfreak?”
“No. Samson gave me your number just 2 confirm its cali here the brunette I meet u with samson at the longroom”
Samson… Superfreak.
About three weeks ago at the Long Room… It’s a strange place. From the outside, it looks like you’re about to walk into a department store, but then you get inside and it’s a dimly lit classical gothic pseudo cocktail bar with a few candles and lots of couches.
As we got to the front of the line, Mikey told me to get to the back and right, that way maybe the bouncer wouldn’t see my sneakers. Dress code. As we moved towards the front of the line I thought maybe if I act like a celebrity, they’ll let me in.
“This guy knows who I am. He knows my name. He knows who I am.”
We got to the red rope of barrierness +1 (boganproof). Bouncer told Veto to keep his shirt in his jacket because it didn’t have a collar. Looked over Mikey and Superfreak, okay.
“You – you’ve got runners on.”
“Cool.”
The bouncer got a little flustered at this point.
“No it’s not cool,” he said, losing his own cool. “We have a dress code here, see -” and pointed to the sign. At this point I thought “Okay… guess i’m going to transport.” Then he backpedaled, almost obsequiously… Showing his hands and squatting a little in a deliberately non-threatening stance. “Don’t mean to be a smart-arse or anything… But… yeah… if you don’t get in next time, that’s why.” He thought he might have offended a VIP I suppose. And the rope was unroped.
As we walked down the stairs, Samson said “Hey that’s alright – no one gets in here with the wrong shoes”. Hm… the Jedi mind trick.
So for an hour or two I’m bouncing around the club. 30 year old women are opening me by touching my beret. I scare one or two off with attempted make out action. Cool. Veto told me that this place was normally filled with 50 year old asians, but all I see is 30 year old blonde whitebread… Pretty quality actually.
But at about midnight, Veto says he has to go home because he has to work in the morning. Do I want a lift? I just broke up with Angelique about a week before, and I’m lacking in libido… partly because I’m sad… partly because I’m still exhausted from those months of amazing hardcore extreme blissful spiritual intense sex that we had. So I said sure, give me a lift home.
I went over to Samson to say bye… he’s chatting to two girls… quite drunk girls, probably pushing 30…
“Hey dude – I’m about to head off.”
The girls disappeared for a second to get drinks.
“Oh man… I’d better get out of here too, before I fuck a married chick…”
The girls came back. Maybe I grabbed the blonde and twirled her. I gave them both a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye. Gave Samson a firm handshake and muito prazer, cool to meet you dude.
When I was 17, I’d go to Deuce and dance the night away. Girls would come up to me and say “Will you make out with my friend?”
“Uh… heh… no.” This is awkward.
“She’s 16… will you get with her?”
“Uh… no.”
“Why not? She’s 16!”
Logical convincing… Why didn’t any of the attractive girl’s friends ever ask me? Oh well, not really a great loss. I was pretty much frigid anyway.
“hey hat guy, ella says hello and wants to c u this sat at the longroom”
“Is this Superfreak?”
“No. Samson gave me your number just 2 confirm its cali here the brunette I meet u with samson at the longroom”
“Oh right. I thought you were samson. What’s going on?”
“By the way, the last msg was sent by ella sorry.She likes u a lot but too shy 2 msg u herself…”
“Aw that’s cute. Like we’re in high school and passing notes.”
“That’s great jones…How about next time in class u give her a nice spanking, with your hat on?”
When I met them I was wearing my beret.
I wrote some message and they didn’t reply for a while, like ten minutes. I thought fuck, did I say something wrong? Then I thought what is this… I don’t even know these chicks and i’m getting nervous. this is weird. I took a nap. When I woke up there was a message from Cali saying she’d just gotten home from Ella’s place. I asked her for Ella’s number.
“sad. she is too silly and told me not 2 give u her number… tried to knock some sense into her but she said not to.She is married.”
So… your idea of sense is to talk your girlfriend into cheating on her husband. Okay. That probably was a big flashing signal saying “HALT”. But hey, I can’t read German.
So that was Tuesday’s text message extravaganza. I agreed to meet up with them, Saturday night at the Long Room.
I flirted with Cali over text for the rest of the week. She didn’t stop with the innuendo.
“Hey kitten what’s up”
“Getting my paws ready 4 tonight”
“rawr. easy tiger.”
“Ever tempted a tiger with a bone?”
“Why, Cali… I’m sure I have no idea what you mean. Say, is Cali short for some embarrassing name that only your parents call you, that you hate to be called?”
“Yes, it’s CALLISTA…”
“Ah so you’re Greek background.”
“Yes.Greek how bout u?”
“I don’t know. A little Welsh background. Mostly just white bread.”
“That’s an interesting combination.”
“Yeah… I get it every time I go to subway.”
“Haha. Took me a while 2 get it, maybe I WAS A BLONDE IN MY PREVIOUS LIFE?”
“Do those capitals mean anything?”
“Nope. This new phone has a mind of its own.However, feel free to read between the lines…If u like, hat guy!”
“Damnit Cali, I’m a genius… not a line inbetween-er reader”
“Luv your style, so u must be a genius in riding between the sheets.”
“Not so much a genius, more like a virtuoso. There is no metaphor that accurately describes making love to a woman… perhaps the closest is playing some kind of exotic musical instrument. I wonder if the violin feels the same rapture as the violinist when he brings it to a crescendo”
“Smooooth,interesting concept.Glad to know u are in touch with your romantic side”
“Actually it’s a quote from don juan de marco with johnny depp”
“Wow.So u are not just a pretty boy?”
“Sure, I’m not just a pretty boy, I watch movies with pretty boys in them aswell.”
Then she started pleading me to tell her I wasn’t gay, and the world is running out of pretty boys for nice girls to play with. I thought wtf… but now that I look at that message it does look pretty gay.
She said maybe she should dress up as Johnny Depp to ensure a fantastic conclusion.
“I don’t think that would ensure anything but nervous laughter.”
I got a text from Angelique saying she met a nice guy on Friday night… he owned a bar in Perth, had a few interesting stories… 8 messages, 2 missed calls, one voice mail, and one case of Sandra texting him at 2 a.m. saying “DAMNIT STOP RINGING WE’RE TRYING TO SLEEP.” later, the chode mask was unmasked, revealing a chode behind it.
His reply… “So… you mean that you two are in bed together?”
I texted Angelique “hey it was really great to meet you you’re really fun and do you want to get dinner sometime? I know you said you wanted to but you smiled when you said it so I thought you might have been kidding. pls pls pls text me back… ps I love you”
She said that was pretty much the spirit of all of his messages.
I got to Long Room at about 9… They didn’t get there till 10. I sat there enjoying my own company… so to speak. A few nights before I was really enjoying my own company, at home. My beret was sitting next to me… I didn’t expect my load to get so much distance, and made a mess on my beret. The girls wanted me to wear it out so they could recognise me. I washed it off and wore it.
Kind of made it awkward later when they wanted to try on my beret and I wouldn’t let them.
I think I eventually conceded.
They rocked up, Cali, Ella and Talita. Talita must have been the junior at their old workplace or something. Cali showed us into the VIP section. It was the first time I’d ever been in a VIP section… But if this is what it’s like normally, all you Very Unimportant People aren’t missing much. I strode in like I owned the place, sat down in a booth and put my foot up on the footstool. The Italian Mafia looking dude on the list told me to put my feet down. I guess it wasn’t a footstool… I wonder if they treat all their make-believe celebrities that way.
We sat down for a bit. Ella and Cali disappeared over and over, leaving me alone with Talita. I thought hm this is kind of odd. Cali spent most of her time three metres away, with the Italian Mafia dude’s arm around her. “Hm,” I thought. It was a deep thought.
Talita was about 5’11” and looked German, blonde hair, blue eyes. She was kind of cool but a bit shy. I told her some stories and flirted a little.
Ella came back and she’s saying something like “OMG I am such a bimbo, I am so blonde… By the way I’m doing an MBA in marketing and studying psychology.”
Then they disappeared again.
When they got back, we left the VIP section so we could dance or something. We went out to the back room and got some drinks.
Ella asked Talita “By the way, how are things going with your husband?”
I noticed Talita’s ring on her finger for the first time… Ella was not wearing a ring. Later I wondered if that was Ella’s subtle way of AFOGing her friend, blowing her out by drawing attention to the fact that she’s married. The question had no depth, she wasn’t asking about anything in particular. Perhaps I’m reading too much into it.
“OMG… I am soooo drunk…” Ella said. “The other night I was at Cali’s place and I had about two wines… I was stumbling all over the place. I guess it’s because I’m so small! And blonde!” She’s about 4’11”, blonde… From this angle, I could see her brown roots.
I guess I talk about it with disdain now, but at the time I was having fun. Now, I think it was like a stereotype of a blonde cheerleader “Gee… I am soooo wasted… Someone could totally take advantage of me right now.”
I pulled Ella up and danced with her, twirled, did the dip a couple of times. Picked her up and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then on the lips. After that she started grabbing me and making out with me. I made out with her for a bit, then I pulled away.
“Don’t you want to make out with me?”
“Yeah… but not here… save some for later.”
She wasn’t self-conscious about her friends seeing her at all, but I was. Maybe I just had a guilty conscience. I made out with her some more.
We went back to the VIP section… The girls were getting drinks or something. I was standing there on my own for a minute. Italian Mafia dude came over to me.
“Hey.” He grunted.
“Oh hey man, how are you?” And I shook his hand.
“Yeah, good… how are you?” He perked up for a second. “Listen, two rules about the VIP section. Number one, don’t message my girlfriend ever again. Number two… I don’t want you in here.” He said in a firm, almost threatening tone.
“Okay,” I said, reactively, and picked up my jacket and walked out. I motioned for Talita and Ella to come with me. They just stood there with confused looks on their faces.
Ella did come out for a minute. She made some hollow apologies and some excuses about people being pretentious, which didn’t really make any sense. Then she went back in.
So that was Cali’s boyfriend. He needs to control his bitch. I wondered if Cali had gotten jealous when she saw me making out with Ella, and told her boyfriend about me, just so he would tell me off.
All in all, the whole thing was pretty ridiculous. That was the first time I’d even gone into a VIP section, and the first time I ever got kicked out of a VIP section… Those chicks are weird though. Maybe this is why I don’t fuck married chicks.
Related Posts:
Comments (1)
[...] was after the night that I went to The Long Room and met Ella. Veto said to me “I’m going to go home – work tomorrow. Want a [...]